Kept awake by a flying Harley Davidson

Published on February 12 2009 by Kev

If there is one thing I hate other than the Stormers losing and Jacob Zuma, its mosquitos. There is nothing worse than when your dream of Megan Fox and Jennifer Aniston about to drop their towels is disrupted by a loud buzz in your ear. I dont know if its because I was lying there in such peace and tranquility that made it sound like a motor bike cruising past my ear at like 140 Km per hour. After you hear such a noise, you start to realise that that motherfucker has bitten you because all of a sudden you start itching all over your damn body.

Now I HATE my sleep being disrupted and I just do not have the energy to deal with a mosquito at 2.37am, so all I do is put the duvet over my head and just leave enough space to breathe and hope it flies away. After about ten minutes of lying there still hearing this "hell's angel" cruising close by, I start smacking the crap out of my head (because its sounded like it was right there). Now with a headache and boiling from the heat of my duvet in these 100 degree temperatures that Cape Town has been having lately, I decide I will fight this motherfucker.

Hopping out of bed in a full karate stance I was ready to kill this Mosquito on a harley, I switch on the light and through one eye I was trying to find it. Eventually after shuffling curtains and shifting my whole room around I found it. Chilling there, on the roof in a place I cant reach because if I could, I would torture that fucker. I will pull off it's wings and let it spin there for a while, then I would poke out each eye and then squish its backside in and let it die a slow death.

Staring at this mosquito while its chilling on MY roof in MY room and probably laughing at ME I decide, its doom time. Grabbing a can of Doom I start spraying this mosquito, he makes a fly for it so I start chasing and spraying, eventually I got him, he fell out the sky and on to my bedside table and without even thinking I squished him so hard I bruised my thumb. So my injury list from last night is 5 bites and 1 bruise. I dont remember much after killing that bat out of hell because all the poison that I sprayed into the air kind of knocked me out, come to think about it...I think I fell asleep high.

A mosquito...about to die!!!